A Year With Rufus | Baby Portraits | In Home Sessions | Iowa Portrait Photographer

"-I yearned to learn the contours of your tiny face in all its moods and at rest, touch the fingers and toes that I had imagined a hundred times as they pressed outward against my belly for half a year, know which direction your hair curled after a bath or if your smile would be my own, hear a voice I created from blood and breath as it spoke the word “mama” for the very first time. I found impending motherhood to be such a state of contradictions. And then you were here, your chosen entrance flying in the face of all of my carefully laid plans I thought made me wise and ready, teaching me from the beginning to let go and release myself into the space that is the most uncomfortable, the most unknown. I knew the moment you were lifted from my belly even though I could not see you behind the sky blue drape under the brilliant lights, a separation that took my breath away because in the meeting it signified was also a sense of loss; I had held your heart under my heart; you had been foretold by the generations of women who came before me and held the promise of my own life in their bodies. I wonder if other mothers feel this way at the instant of their births. But to rest my cheek against yours as you yelled in indignation at the bright cold, to look into your dark eyes and know you so intensely while not knowing you yet at all—it was, at long last, an arrival for me too. And here we are, dearest, at the end of the longest and shortest year." -mom